Funny Halloween Jokes

Halloween is the best time of year to tell candy-corny jokes that will tickle your funny skeleton bone. We created the funniest kid-friendly Halloween jokes that will even have mummy rolling her eyes. We didn't forget about all the fathers out there—these puns and one-liners make for great Halloween dad jokes too.

Do you have a funny Halloween joke? Send us your joke here.

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What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-boo!
What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-boo!
Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had good circulation!
Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had good circulation!
What did the bird say on Halloween? Twig or tweet!
What did the bird say on Halloween? Twig or tweet!
What do ghosts wear to improve their eyesight? Spooktacles!
What do ghosts wear to improve their eyesight? Spooktacles!
Why did the skeleton cross the road? To get to the body shop!
Why did the skeleton cross the road? To get to the body shop!
If you peel my skin off, I won't cry, but you will. What am I? An onion!
If you peel my skin off, I won't cry, but you will. What am I? An onion!
Where do ghosts go for a swim? The Dead Sea!
Where do ghosts go for a swim? The Dead Sea!
Which part of the house is off-limits to ghosts? The living room!
Which part of the house is off-limits to ghosts? The living room!
What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music!
What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music!
Why was the black cat so small?Because it only drank condensed milk?
Why was the black cat so small?Because it only drank condensed milk?
What kind of makeup do witches wear? Mas-scare-a!
What kind of makeup do witches wear? Mas-scare-a!
Why did the vampire like baseball? Because every night he turned into a bat!
Why did the vampire like baseball? Because every night he turned into a bat!
What do you call a big pumpkin? A plumpkin!
What do you call a big pumpkin? A plumpkin!
What kind of mistakes do ghosts make? Boo-boos!
What kind of mistakes do ghosts make? Boo-boos!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball? Because he had no body to dance with!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball? Because he had no body to dance with!
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin!
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin!
What kind of key opens a haunted house? A skeleton key!
What kind of key opens a haunted house? A skeleton key!
What kind of key opens a haunted house? A spook-key!
What kind of key opens a haunted house? A spook-key!
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Day-scare!
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Day-scare!
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin!
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin!
What do you call a holiday gift when it dies? The Ghost of Christmas Present!
What do you call a holiday gift when it dies? The Ghost of Christmas Present!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
What do you get if you cross a turkey with a ghost? A poultry-geist!
What do you get if you cross a turkey with a ghost? A poultry-geist!
Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road to school? A crossing gourd!
Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road to school? A crossing gourd!
What do you call wood when it’s scared? Petrified!
What do you call wood when it’s scared? Petrified!
What do ghosts like to drink? Ghoul-aid!
What do ghosts like to drink? Ghoul-aid!
How do French skeletons say hello? Bone-jour!
How do French skeletons say hello? Bone-jour!
What do birds say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!
What do birds say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!
What is Dracula’s favorite holiday? Fangs-giving!
What is Dracula’s favorite holiday? Fangs-giving!
How many monsters are good at math? None unless you count Dracula!
How many monsters are good at math? None unless you count Dracula!

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